The Adventures of Charlie Blockhead was created by a former version of who I am today. He was weeks away from becoming a new dad, he was scared to death, and he was grappling for any advice he could get his hands on. There were so many emotions running through his head; questions like "Am I good enough to be a dad?" "What if I drop the baby?" "What if we can't afford the baby?" "What if I'm too much like The Angry Man (stepfather)?" "What if my marriage suffers?" "I've never changed a diaper, what do I do if I'm alone with it?" "What if I do if" was followed by a thousand different scenarios each more frightening at the time.
Charlie was always there for me when I couldn't get something figured out. He served as a frozen moment in time where my favorite stories were just waiting to be thawed out and lived again. The very creation of the Charlie alias allowed me a freedom to speak my mind without reprimand from those I might unintentionally offend. As the blog grew though so did my desire to share it and as a consequence the idea of an alias became meaningless. The disguise became see through.
Charlie taught me how to be a better writer. For awhile he even helped me become a freelance blogger and earn a pretty good side income. Charlie, like his predecessor The Other Bill, quickly became a control valve giving me a place to release my frustrations in a creative way. Like an imaginary friend, he became somebody I could turn to when the world was on my back or the voices in my head demanded to be heard. Charlie was a trusted confidant who I eventually grew away from but will always cherish. Someday soon I plan to introduce him to my two boys.
The question now on the table is, why after two years of not blogging am I back? While I'm sure some of the answers behind that question lie buried deep in my subconscious, one thing is certain and that's the fact that the creative urge is still alive within me. It's hard to explain without sounding completely insane, but my brain is constantly bouncing around phrases. At any given minute stories are being pieced together, phrases are being worked out, feelings are debated. They can only stay in there for so long before they get restless and demand to be heard. Since I left Charlie I've been writing for my church bulletin and for the most part it helped relieve those creative energies, but it soon became extremely restrictive in terms of what I could cover both in subject and detail. So here I am again back to my roots as a blogger.
Things are different this time around though. I'm no longer a scared soon to be first time father crying for help. This version of me is turning 40, he's the father of two boys that simultaneously scare him to death and brighten his every moment. This me is still deeply in love with his wife Mandy, but as I've changed so has she. I realize now that on December 27, 1997 God had a plan in place for my life and it all started with Mandy Moultrie Beck. It's not too far fetched to think that Charlie saw her as his and his alone. Sure he shared her with the kids, but she was still his. The Other Bill is in awe of this girl he married 13 yrs ago. I look at her and everything she takes on .... how much she's given me...everything she is to everyone I know and I am stunned by how amazing she is. I just don't have the words.
This me has a core of peace. Not to say I don't still have dark days when it's hard to see the positive side of life, but those days are few and far between. Admittedly some of it's because I take better care of myself, there's more to it than that though. My faith in God has provided me with an inner strength and along with that a calming of my spirit. Things are going to be okay. Life's problems will not last forever. I'm continuously inspired by the words of Isaiah 40:29 "He gives power to the weak, and to those that have no might He increases strength." I smile more, worry less, and spend as much time as I can doing what makes me happy.
While I definitely see myself as a work in progress, I'm more complete in more ways than Charlie ever was. And even though the title for this blog is a take on sharing the same name as my father and his father, The Other Bill also represents who I am now in life. I'm far from average. I'm a father, a husband, a friend, a son, a deacon, a devoted servant of the Lord...but most importantly at this point in my life I'm so very comfortable just being me.
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