Spork it

 You would think something like a storm coming down the street knocking over trees and catching nearby buildings on fire would be tonight’s main topics, but I’d rather talk about sporks. Lately I’ve been very aware of my carbon footprint. How many plastic bottles do I go through each week? Straws in the trash only to end up choking a turtle somewhere. You know how many plastic forks I go through away each week? Like 10-15!!! That’s not counting spoons and of course everything comes with a knife that couldn’t cut string cheese. I gotta say the guilt is really starting to make me consider carrying around my own set of silverware. Then I’d have to keep washing it off all the time and that seems like a huge hassle too. Poor turtles...

I’d like to stick my foot up the butt of the inventor of the spork. I mean pick a lane and do one thing well. Instead some doofus thought it would be a good idea to combine a fork that won’t stab with a spoon that won’t scoop. Just do one thing right!!! Ever try a yogurt cup with a spork? Hope you like leaving a full teaspoon in the bottom spork guy. How’s last night left over chicken? Better stab it and eat it like a popsicle cause that spork is only gonna get you so far. 

I get this is a lot of silverware talk...honestly when was the last time our silverware was made from actual silver? Some people call it plastic ware which makes me wonder how I’m supposed to wear it. Maybe like a cuff link or lapel pin.